My (...and my small family) 's 2020

Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah....

2020.. what a year..
But syukur, Alhamdulillah for all the nikmat, dugaan, rezeki, blessings and a lot more....

Started the year konon² brisk walk/jog every evening at the nearby park daily lepas balik ambil SNM from school... Alhamdulillah as well we found a new school/day care for SNM this year. Was quite a year masa 2019 hari-hari risau tengok keadaan dia nak pergi sekolah. Now I know why Mom will know if something is wrong with me, it is just the instinct. But alhamdulillah 2020 we found a better place for her.

Back to the brisk walk/jog Sampai February jelah. Lepas tu dah PKP. Sekian jelah. 

In January and February too, three of my cousins tie knot. Dua orang engaged, seorang got married. Alhamdulillah...

Started with Azmil bertunang, then we all ke Taiping for Natri's engagement and of course the no other #zahiraAH 's wedding. 

Glad that we slot some time for an early dinner with my beloved #iiumsisters . Planned for a glamping together with our families but tinggal kenangan aje for now. InsyaAllah soon.  Bagus juga my bothDs adalah budak International School, so their Sports Day kami dah selesai selamat before segala PKP bermula. They're in yellow house this year, and me as their Aunty of course lah yang terpaling excited ok... kuning tu... fav color terus! 

(Tapi my school years, rumah kuning ni selalunya corot. hahahaha..... )

Come March.. PKP bermula.. gosh how our #babysnm koyak mental berkurung. According to our Pediatrician, snm started buat perangai sebab her normal routine berubah drastically. Since she is 8 months old, memang dah hantar dia to school/day care. Then, weekend memang akan lepak at sis's place and Monday the routine stars again. 

Sekali, bila PKP ni, memang tak boleh keluar langsung... dia macam murung. Awal-awal memang dia happy sebab both of us memang depan mata dia 24/7 kan, but along the way, dia rasa macam something wrong.  But hikmahnya, we get to spent more time with her. From learning, playing, eating, exploring and semuanya lah with her. We even started teaching her gardening!

First time tak celebrate my BIL's bday in April due to PKP and also first time 'gather' with our BIG FAMILY via Zoom. 

In early May juga, we changed snm's insurance with out good friend Nuar. Senang tukar to someone yang kami kenal and terus juga sign up hibah with him. Kalau ada sesiapa yang tanya-tanya je, or interested nak tau boleh click link ni untuk usha his IG and his contact ada over there at the profile. 

Myself and husband started our #guloanauwaghih and #nasitanjaur journey and alhamdulillah masih on it. We also mula ber Young Living in May juga. Eh bagus gila oils ni. Mula-mula memang rasa macam ehhhhh biar betul... but somehow, these oils memang encourage and divert us to enjoy life and push our potentials. It's all about positivity lah. Dia bukan lah magic ke apa. But macam asbab gitu.

Also, kena juga di catitkan... buat pertama kali dalam hidup.. diri ini gunting rambut manusia lain. Dan mangsanya tak lain tak bukan adalah husbandku sendiri! hahahaha.... Perhatikan betul-betul collage di atas ye, habis semua clip rambut snm ku kerjakan. 

One day je dapat berbuka puasa with my family this year...and nasib baik waktu tu dah PKPB. Dapat lah celebrate birthday sis as well. 

We celebrated our #babysnm 's 2 years old birthday PKP style. Went to all important close family members house with full SOP just as long as our baby is happy. Tq families for making it happen! 

Come July, school dah start buka semula. Tawakal sangat-sangat hantar kenit tu semula. But before it start off, her school panggil us all bagi briefing on how the new norm going to kick off.  I actually requested for office to bagi I masuk balik. Our laptop dah tak boleh carry dah the amount of data that I saved in. Sebelum dia kaput, memang kena buat something about it cepat. Masa dapat masuk office rasa jakun pun ada jumpa orang selain the household. Hahaha...

July and August banyak juga benda yang sangat-sangat unexpected happened to us. After years of working, my first time dapat laptop and my work sangat-sangat senang banyakkkkk sangat with all my necessary systems and applications ada depan mata. 

Our dear #busukmasam  a.k.a bigD did super well for his IGCSE and masuk college dah!! Alhamdulillah!! Our lil SNM pun dapat award juga for school. Our lilD also did well for her exams. Syukur, Ya Allah. 

Bila Zoo Negara reopen, bawak snm there. To support the industry and also she's really into animals now. Semua pun nak sayang. Sayangggg tiger... sayangggg lion... sayanggggg bird... sayang panndaaa.... haih.

Kami also sempat bawak snm naik Genting but sampai GPO jelah. Tak berani nak bawak sampai atas sangat sebab takut dengan crowd. Kalau GPO senang kawal sebab she'll be in her stroller most of the time. Thanks to her school practise, she have no problem wearing mask lama-lama. 

We also sempat layan a really super short trip to Penang. Agak clingy lah bila PKP ni kicks off. Mana-mana pun kemain bertiga beranak je kerjanya. Walhal dulu tak kisah pun. 

Also in August, something hit our big family badly. Remember awal-awal tadi I cerita pasal my cousin Natri bertunang at Taiping? Siapa sangka that this is the last time we actually jumpa dengan dia...

My dear cousin passed away mengejut a few days before her Nikah day. It was a really sad and shocking moment to us all. I ni takde adik, but dengan anak-anak my UncleM nilah yang memang I buat adik-adik I sendiri..bukan hanya cousin. 

Nak menaip ni pun, entahlah.. masih bercampur baur perasaan tu.

Al Fatihah to our dear Wan Penny Sunestri Binti Wan Zahari. Semoga Allah menempatkan Natri bersama yang beriman. Ameen Ya Rabb.

Celebrated msn birthday in September pun sangat PKP style. We stayed at Sheraton PJ for one night bagi seronok budak kecik tu. Dia punya excited macam orang celebrate birthday dia pulak. Hahaha...

Come October, first time ever hubs admitted in due to high BP and now we are trying to change our food intake and lifestyle slowly but surely. Sangat menakutkan OK waktu tu. Dahlah myself and snm was at my sis's place. Husband stayed at home sebab MIL baru lepas operation. Jadinya, he wants to monitor and jaga MIL at home. Dia lepaskan myself and snm sebab tak nak kacau routine snm yang baru nak mula semula. 

Ada hikmahnya Allah gerakkan hati kami susun begitu. If not, tak ke kalut? How to handle snm kalau I sorang-sorang. Bukan main-main that night itself msn terus kena duduk ICU/HDU. BP terlalu tinggi sampai dia kena dipantau ketat. 

But Alhamdulillah, semuanya selamat dah. Now memang kena jaga betul-betul.

Come October also, I got Norwex-ed. Hahahaha.. Nak jugeeeekkkk... But seriuslah paling in love dengan the Kitchen Towel. Eh kemain senang lah... ini baru magic! (Padahal it's the technology)

Also in October, my dear husband kicked off a project called Kongsi Kasih which we will be launching and elaborate soon!! (Appreciate your kind support and doa for this!). Really high hope for this where we wanted to not only help ourselves, but also others and the economy as a whole. InsyaAllah.

Masuk November, which is actually our month dengan tak la seronok sangat. Our dear Cik Lia masa ni dah mula kritikal... Dah la musim-musim PKP ni.. it is not easy for us to ke sana ke sini sebebas dulu untuk lincah menolong apa-apa yang patut.

Alhamdulillah dapat juga curi masa and redah visit dia waktu she's at the ward. Earlier in September tu, dapat lagi berborak dengan dia masa we sama-sama celebrate birthday our Daniel. Nak jadi cerita, on my birthday eve this year, Cik Lia pergi meninggalkan kami semua selamanya. What a year 2020. What a year.

My adik lost her mom. I know she's strong to go through semua ni. But, losing someone close to us bukan mudah, Tambah lagi, mak kita kan....

Al Fatihah Cik Lia.

Celebrated our Anniversary / my birthday our way and enjoy our 3 nights staycation at Mandarin Oriental, KL.

Sesudah Subuh, kami pay our last respect to Cik Lia dulu. Sementara snm masih tidur kan... Dah selesai, pagi tu, kami breakfast with MIL dulu. snm hantar school macam biasa. Then noon, kami dating and usai dating pick kenit from school and terus ke sis's place for dinner with my family pula.

Tahun ni paling banyak surprise delivery yang diterima. Syukur ya Allah.. Memang PKP style sungguh kemain asyik-asyik orang panggil hantar macam-macam! Seronok gila! Semoga Allah kurniakan yang baik-baik buat semua yang memberi.

Tak habis lagi November, berita kematian ketiga tahun ni pula. This time, on arwah Abah's side. My cousin lost her husband. 

Ni pun macam sekejap sangat baru dapat tau diagnosed cancer and due to PKP semua tak sempat nak susun visit ke apa, but Allah lebih sayangkan Abg Ikram, Al fatihah... 

Ini jugalah asbab kami kembali ke Malim Nawar.  

Ended the year with a weekend birthday-cation for Mak's birthday and Ipoh trip for Wani's wedding.

Alhamdulillah despite all the hardship, challenges and macam-macam dugaan, we managed to end our 2020 quite well.

Indeed, Allah is the best planner. Jangan sesekali kita semua ragukan rahmat Allah. Ada jalannya untuk setiap kesukaran. Macam mana genting sekali pun keadaan, jangan sesekali biarkan ianya putus.

Bismillahhirrahmannirrahim to 2021.
May Allah protect and keep us safe always.

Maaf Zahir Batin from us. May the new year brings everyone a great blessings, health, iman and happiness. InsyaAllah, Ameen. ❤️❤️

Love, Ayu

The day we lost an angel...

Dhia Nur Fatihah.....
Nenda tak sempat jumpa kamu sayang....
But ketahuilah, Nenda sayang kamu...
Sama macam Nenda sayang cucu-cucu saudara Nenda yang lain.
Dhia Nur Fatihah....
Tenanglah kamu sebagai ahli syurga disisi pencipta kita..Allah yang Esa.
Nanti kami disyurga ye sayang..
Nenda hanya mampu sedekahkan Al-Fatihah buat kamu....
Dhia Nur Fatihah....
Doakan ibu bapa kamu ye. Terutamanya ibu kamu.
Dia bersabung nyawa ingin bersama kamu....
Kamu doakan kebaikan dan ketabahan buat mereka ya sayang....
Kami redha Dhia Nur Fatihah...
Tenanglah kamu disana..
Al-Fatihah Dhia Nur Fatihah Binti Mohd Hadzeran.
_________________________________________________________
Tengah hari tadi, kami sekeluarga dikejutkan dengan berita kematian anak kedua nephew Ayu. Latest update yang Ayu tahu, wife to my nephew tu, dah masuk ward ready for labour.
Jadi bila mom called and informed kata baby passed away, Ayu macam tak percaya... Ayu terus terbayang pada pasangan muda, anak-anak saudara saya, parents to the baby... Ya Allah, berikanlah kekuatan pada kedua anak-anak saudara ku..
Baby selamat dikebumikan lepas solat Asar tadi (13 June '13).
Ya Allah, kami redha dengan ketentuanmu... tabah kan kami Ya Allah.

Masita pulang ke Rahmatullah

My friend, Masita Mahat telah kembali ke Rahmatullah pada jam 8 pagi tadi. Semoga Allah cucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya.
Al-Fatihah.

Ayu actually baru edit perenggan atas ni.
My entry today memang dah buat untuk update Masita selepas entry yang Ayu melawat dia tu.

Her husband memang always update us semua on her current situation. Actually, pada hari Ayu melawat Masita tu, jam 1 pagi tu, dia mengalami sesak nafas dan dipindahkan ke wad ICU.

Nak melawat agak restricted. Jadi memang hanya sms penghubung kami.

According to the husband, sejak masuk ICU memang Masita tak sedarkan diri. Memang dia dalam keadaan koma. Doktor cakap mungkin tindakbalas ubat. Kami memang tak pernah putus asa dan terus berdoa yang terbaik untuk dia..

Masa tu jugak kami decide nak host kan solat hajat buat Masita. Allah knows best. Kami hanya mahu yang terbaik untuk Masita. Apa pun yang Allah tetapkan.. kami hanya mahukan segalanya dipermudahkan buat Masita..

Masita memang seorang rakan yang sangat baik. 

Sepanjang kami mengenali dia, tak pernah langsung dia bercakap buruk pasal orang lain. Inikan pula nak ambil tahu hal orang. Dia suka senyum. Suka gelak. 

Sampaikan kami tak tahu bila dia berduka.

Itu Masita.

Petang semalam tadi husband Masita ada sms Ayu inform Masita tenat.. Dan pagi ni.. Masita telah pergi mengadap Ilahi.

Al-Fatihah buat Masita Binti Mahat.

Semoga Allah cucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya.

Amin.

Love, Ayu

Tahlil buat nenek

Doa Tahlil

Segala puji-pujian itu bagi Allah, Tuhan pentadbir seluruh alam. Puji-pujian yang melengkapi segala tempatnya, dan membalas segala limpah kurnianya. Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami, untukMu jua segala puji-pujian sebagaimana yang sayugianya lagi sesuai dengan kebesaran zat dan kebesaran kerajaanMu.

Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmat dan sejahtera kepada junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad sebagai rahmat yang akan menyelamatkan kami daripada segala macam ketakutan dan kehuru-haraan, Engkau tunaikan dengan sebab selawat itu daripada segala macam maksud dan hajat. Engkau bersihkan kami dengan sebabnya di sisiMu setinggi-tinggi darjat dan Engkau sampaikan dengan sebabnya sejauh-jauh tujuan kebajikan baik semasa kami hidup mahu pun sesudah kami mati.

Maha suci Engkau ya Allah, tiada terhingga kami memuji-mujiMu sebagaimana Engkau sendiri memuji-muji akan zatMu.

BagiMu kepujian sebelum keredaanMu, bagiMu kepujian sewaktu keredaan dan bagiMu kepujian selepas keredaan.

Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmat dan sejahtera atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wassalam dalam kerajaanMu yang maha tinggi hingga hari kiamat, cucurilah rahmat dan sejahtera atas junjungan kami hinggalah Engkau mempusakai bumi ini berserta orang-orang yang berada di atasnya. Engkaulah Tuhan sebaik-baik yang mewarisi.

Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami, jadikanlah dan sampaikanlah serta terimakanlah pahala segala yang telah kami baca daripada ayat-ayat al Quran, tahlil, perkataan istighfar, kalimah-kalimah zikir, dan juga perkataan-perkataan selawat pada saat yang berkat ini sebagai hadiah yang sempurna sampai daripada kami dan sebagai rahmat daripadaMu yang mencucurinya, berkat yang meliputi, sedekah yang dipersembahkan, yang kami hidang dan hadiahkan ke hadrat junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad bin Abdullah sallallahu alaihi wassaalam, serta isteri-isteri baginda, keluarga, sahabat-sahabat, pengikut-pengikut, dan pengikut-pengikut kepada pengikut-pengikut baginda dari masa ke masa hinggalah hari kiamat.

Ya Allah ya Tuhan kami, jadikanlah pahala seperti pahala yang tersebut tadi serta ihsan yang berlebih-lebih kebaikan kepada sekalian roh orang-orang yang dengan sebab mereka kami berkumpul di sini, lebih istemewa lagi kepada roh Allahyarhamah Hjh Zainab Binti Hj Abdul Rashid, asal-usulnya, anak cucunya, dan setiap orang yang ada hubungan dengannya.

Persampaikanlah ya Allah pahala bacaan-bacaan seperti yang tersebut tadi daripada kami kepada roh-roh mereka dan jadikan pahala-pahala bacaan itu sebagai suatu cahaya menerangi dan bersinar di hadapan mereka. Gandakan ya Allah akan rahmat dan keredaanMu kepada kami dan juga roh-roh mereka.

Ya Allah wahai Tuhan kami, jadikanlah juga pahala-pahala bacaan itu sebagai suatu perisai mengelakkan mereka daripada azab neraka, penyelamat, pendinding dan juga penebus daripada azab neraka.

Ya Allah wahai Tuhan kami, ampunilah mereka, kasihanilah mereka, selamatkan mereka serta maafkanlah mereka. (3X)

Dan di dalam keadaan yang seperti itu juga ya Allah sampaikan pahala kami yang telah kami katakan itu kepada arwah sekalian datuk ninik kami, guru-guru kami dan juga kepada sekalian kaum muslimin dari timur hingga ke barat walau di mana mereka berada.

Ya Allah wahai Tuhan kami, jadikanlah kami dalam suratan kami dan suratan ibu bapa kami dan saudara mara para hadirin sekalian merata semuanya dengan pencucuran rahmat dan keredaan, masukkanlah kami dan juga mereka itu sekaliannya ke dalam keluasan syurga – Ya Allah, Tuhan yang memberi berkat, ya Allah, Tuhan yang yang mengurniakan rahmat, ya Allah, Tuhan yang mencipta tujuh petala langit dan bumi – Tuhan yang empunya kebesaran dan kemuliaan.

Ya Allah wahai Tuhan kami, pindahkan mereka itu sekalian daripada kesempitan lubang kubur dan liang lahad pergi ke syurgaMu – syurga yang kekal abadi – pergi ke perlindungan naungan yang berpanjangan, air yang sentiasa mengalir, mendapat buah-buahan yang tiada bersukatan, lagi tidak terhenti dan tidak pula terlarang mendapatkannya, mendapat tempat-tempat tidur yang tertinggi keadaannya bersama dengan orang-orang yang Tuhan kami telah kurniakan kepada mereka itu nikmat-nikmat iaitu daripada golongan nabi-nabi, orang-orang yang taat setia, orang-orang yang mati syahid, orang-orang yang saleh yang mereka itu ialah sebaik-baik kawan.

Mohon limpah kurniaMu jua, ya Allah, Tuhan sebaik-baik yang mengurniakan rahmat.

Selawat dan salam Allah ke atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad serta keluarga dan sahabat-sahabatnya sekalian. Dan segala pujian itu bagi Allah, Tuhan pentadbir seluruh alam.

Amin.

Love, Ayu

RIP Whitney Houstan

An artikel from USAToday

Whitney Houston, musical superstar, dies

By Steve Jones, USA TODAY

Updated 3m ago

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With her incredible vocal range and purity, runway good looks and girl-next-door charm,Whitney Houston was an out-of-the-box superstar when she arrived on the music scene in 1985. Her meteoric rise included record-setting hits, groundbreaking videos and a promising film career.

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  AP
  Whitney Houston, whose stellar voice made her a superstar but who was long plagued by personal problems including drug abuse, died Saturday. She was 48.

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AP

Whitney Houston, whose stellar voice made her a superstar but who was long plagued by personal problems including drug abuse, died Saturday. She was 48.

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But by the mid-1990s, rumors of marital woes and drug abuse began to tarnish her image and she took a downward spiral that saw her name emblazoned in sordid tabloid headlines rather than glowing reports of musical success.

Word of the 48-year-old singer's death broke early Saturday evening as the industry gathered in Los Angeles for the official Pre-Grammy Gala hosted by her mentor Clive Davis, chief creative officer of Sony Music Worldwide. The cause and location of her death are unknown.

• PHOTOS: Whitney Houston's life and career

In recent years, Houston had struggled to regain her past glory. In 2009, she released I Look to You, her first studio album in seven years and first since going through rehab and divorcing Bobby Brown, her husband of 14 years, in 2006. While the album did debut at No. 1 and sold more than 1 million copies, it failed to produce any massive hit singles, or receive hoped-for Grammy Awards nominations. Her subsequent overseas tour met with mixed reviews, with disappointed fans demanding refunds.

It was a sad end for the once incandescent star who paved the way to pop success for other African-American singers such as Janet Jackson, Anita Baker, Mariah Carey andMary J. Blige, and has been cited by the likes of Beyoncé, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson,Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Leona Lewis for inspiring them to become singers. The gospel-trained Houston was the daughter of singer Cissy Houston, goddaughter of Aretha Franklin and cousin of Dionne and Dee Dee Warwick

Houston was already an up-and-coming magazine model (she was one of the first women of color to grace the cover of Seventeen) when record mogul Clive Davis signed her to his Arista Records label in 1983. In an interview accompanying the 2010 reissue of her debut album, Whitney Houston: The Deluxe 25th Anniversary Edition, Davis recalls first seeing her backing up her mother at the New York City club Sweetwater's.

"She did two solo numbers, one of which was the song The Greatest Love Of All. Whitney sang the song with such fervor, with such a natural vocal gift, with such passion, that I was stunned. I knew really right then and there that this was a special talent and I was blown away by her," Davis recalled. "There was no hesitation. I wanted to sign Whitney."

Together, they would make music history. Davis spent more than a year grooming Houston, lining up producers and collecting the right material. Her first hit, Hold Me, a duet with Teddy Pendergrass for his 1984 Love Language album, went to No. 5 on the R&B chart. It was a precursor to Whitney Houston, which arrived in 1985 to rave reviews.

First single You Give Good Love was a top 5 pop hit, and its follow-up, Saving All My Love for You, was even bigger. It went to No. 1, as did How Will I Know, the video for which became one of the first by an African-American female to get heavy rotation on MTV. The Greatest Love of All also spent three weeks at the top of the charts andWhitney Houston wound up selling 13 million copies domestically.

She earned three nominations at the 1986 Grammy Awards, including one for album of the year. Saving All My Love for You won for female pop vocal, and her performance of the song on the show would win her an Emmy Award later that year. The Greatest Love of All would also be nominated for record of the year at the following year's Grammys.

Houston's superstardom was solidified in 1987 with the release of Whitney, which sold 9 million copies in the USA and spawned four No. 1 singles: I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me),Didn't We Almost Have It All, So Emotional and Where Do Broken Hearts Go. That gave her a record seven chart-toppers in a row. A fifth single,Love Will Save the Day, was a Top 10 hit. Thanks to her record sales and concert grosses for 1986 and 1987, Forbes ranked her as the eighth-highest-earning entertainer at the time.

Her crossover success was unprecedented for an African-American woman, but she soon found herself defending it against critics, who claimed her hits lacked soul. Her third album, 1990's I'm Your Baby Tonight, took her in a more urban direction thanks to production from the likes of L.A. Reid and Babyface, Stevie Wonder and Luther Vandross, but it's acceptance was less spectacular. The album peaked at No. 3 while selling 4 million copies, though singles I'm Your Baby Tonight and All The Man That I Need topped both the pop and R&B charts.

Still, big things and big changes were on the horizon for Houston, whose 1991 Super Bowl performance of The Star Spangled Banner remains the yardstick by which other singers are judged. Two things happened in 1992 that would have profound affects on her career. She made a move into acting and making soundtracks with The Bodyguard, and after a three-year courtship, she married R&B singer and former New Editionmember Bobby Brown.

In The Bodyguard, she starred as a singer who was being protected by Kevin Costner's title character from a stalker fan. The film grossed more than $121 million at the box office, and the soundtrack had an even bigger impact for Houston. Her cover of Dolly Parton's 1974 hit, I Will Always Love You, distinguished by Houston's a cappella intro, stayed at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for a then-record 14 consecutive weeks and had significant stints atop the R&B and adult contemporary charts as well. The album also spawned Top 5 hits I'm Every Woman (a Chaka Khan hit on which Houston had sung background when she was 15) and I Have Nothing. The album sold 17 million copies in the U.S., won three Grammys including album and record of the year, plus a slew of other awards.

Two years later, Houston performed at a state dinner at the White House honoring newly elected South African President Nelson Mandela, and would later be the first major artist to perform in that country, playing three shows to 200,000 people.

Her next film, 1995's Waiting to Exhale starring Angela Bassett, was also a hit with a huge soundtrack. This time, she teamed with Babyface to co-produced the star-studded album and contributed to its success with Exhale (Shoop Shoop), Why Does It Hurt So Bad and Count On Me, a duet with CeCe Winans. She earned $10 million for her next role, 1996's The Preacher's Wife, which starred Denzel Washington and Courtney B. Vance. While it didn't do as well at the box office as the previous two films, Houston got her best review yet as an actress. The soundtrack saw Houston cutting loose in a gospel setting. It featured six songs with the Georgia Mass Choir including He's All Over Me with gospel legend Shirley Caesar. I Believe in You and Me and Step By Step were both radio hits.

Houston branched off into TV in 1997, producing a remake of Rodgers & Hammerstein'sCinderella starring Brandy with Houston as Fairy Godmother. The highly rated ABC special earned seven Emmy nominations. That set the stage for Houston's first studio album in eight years, My Love Is Your Love. The album sold 4 million copies in the U.S., and spawned a successful world tour, but peaked at No. 13 on the Billboard 200, making it her first album not to at least reach No. 3. Still, with production from the likes of Wyclef Jean, Missy Elliott and Rodney Jerkins, it had the hits When You Believe with Mariah Carey, Heartbreak Hotel, It's Not Right But It's Okay, My Love Is Your Love and I Learned From the Best.

As the '90s closed, Houston's popularity was beginning to wane just as rumors about drug use with Brown swirled and reports began surfacing about erratic behavior and weight loss, along with missed interviews and canceled concerts. On Jan. 11, 2000, marijuana was discovered in Houston and Brown's luggage as they passed through security at a Hawaii airport, though they boarded the plane and left before police arrived.

Two months later, she was conspicuously missing when Clive Davis was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She was also to have performed on the Academy Awards, but was fired by musical director Burt Bacharach.

She signed a $100 million, six-album deal with Arista/BMG in 2001, but after appearing on the Michael Jackson: 30th Anniversary Special, her extremely thin frame fueled more rumors of drug abuse. Those rumors were confirmed a year later when she did an interview with Diane Sawyer to promote her upcoming album Just Whitney. She admitted using drugs in the highly watched TV interview, which included her infamous declaration, "Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight. OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is wack."

Just Whitney was her poorest-selling album to date and none of its singles made the Hot 100's top 40. She got positive reviews for 2003's One Wish: The Holiday Album, but only modest sales.

Houston's image took further pummeling on the sordid 2005 Bravo reality series Being Bobby Brown, which gave an inside look into their family life. Critics savaged the show, but morbidly fascinated viewers tuned in to see just how low they could sink. The show was canceled after Houston decided to no longer participate. She separated from Brown in September 2006 and the divorce was finalized in 2007, with Houston gaining custody of the couple's daughter, Bobbi Kristina.

In a 2009 interview with Oprah Winfrey to promote her just out album, I Look To You, Houston blamed an emotionally abusive and jealous Brown for many of her problems, confessed that she laced her marijuana with rock cocaine, and revealed the she had spent time in rehab and had undergone an intervention by her mother.

The album debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 with a career-best opening week of 305,000 copies sold. It was her first chart-topping album since 1992's The Bodyguardand would go on to sell 1 million copies. But the title track and the Alicia Keys-pennedMillion Dollar Bill had only modest success, and she received none of the expected Grammy nominations.

Her post-release TV appearances were also spotty. Though the fans responded warmly, she had to apologize for her voice cracking at a three-song Good Morning Americaconcert in New York's Central Park . It came not long after the Oprah interview, which she says wore out her vocal cords. She gave a much-better-received performance of I Didn't Know My Own Strength on the American Music Awards two months later.

She received similarly mixed reviews on her current tour. But the re-release in January ofWhitney Houston was a stark reminder of the gorgeous voice she once had, and how much had been lost to years of drug abuse and personal turmoil.

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