macam2 manusia

kadang2 rasa pelik bila kita rasa macam kita kenal org tu, tp sebenarnya kita tak kenal org tuh...
sepanjang umo yg 28 thn nih... rasanya, i only devote myself to people.

ni bukan sessi nak menagih simpati/mengungkit yer..ini sessi melepaskan apa yg terbuku..*yezzer* kata kena belajar berubah...

masalah terbesar myself is == susah nak luahkan apa yg rasa di hati. susah nak bgtau pendapat sebenar... ade yg pendapat ni ade acception lah.. bila ngan farezah, shifa, eton, mas, shida, myn, angah, adik & kajol... i can b myself...

dengan budak2 ni lain sikit... derang tak cepat melatah dgn pandangan or apa yg ayu kata...they listen first...then, they ask my verification on why i say such things..then only they judge me..then only they tell or advise me adakah my opinion tu betul or salah... and they don't talk behind me.

bila dgn *yezzer* pulak... ayu jadi takut... jadi takut nak cerita benda2 yg jadi kat dalam rumah... and perangai2 yg x berapa nak betul kat rumah.. bukan apa.. bukan nak cerita yg best2 jer... tapi, takut dgn penerimaan dia... takut kalau2 ada jodoh nanti... cerita2 macam nih boleh terbawak2...tak mo la... kita nak share sb nak luahkan jer.. bukan nak burukkan... kita tau *yezzer* bukan mcm tuh.. tapi tu lah, makan masa la sikit, k?

ada yg comment that my life ni bertuah... ayu aminkan jer...

seboleh2nya... ayu tak nak banding2kan kehidupan ini dengan yg lebih baik atau lebih buruk.. supaya ayu boleh sentiasa belajar untuk hidup bersyukur di atas apa yg ayu ada.

tapi, Allah je tau apa yg ayu rasa selama nih... Allah je tau apa yg ayu tanggung saban hari...

sejak sis kawen... 13 tahun lalu, i am the one yg teman mom kemana saja mom pergi.. kecuali urusan kerja dia lah.. itu pun, kalau bukan cuti sekolah.. if cuti sekolah, ikut lah kemana pun.. sejak darjah5, ayu dh berulang alik dari sekolah ke hospital. tlg jaga kan arwah nenek. sejak nenek sakit, tak de lain yg ada kat kepala kecuali FAMILY.

sampailah naik darjah 6, nenek pesan suruh belaja rajin2 supaya nanti boleh jaga mom baik2. sejak tu, barulah ayu mula tumpukan perhatian pada pelajaran. nak kena tambah effort sikit je lagi.. alhamdulillah...i am not an undergrade students. i just need to push a lil to succeed. right before UPSR, nenek passed away. my strenght, my heart & my soul passed away leaving me forever.


alhamdulillah, i got straight As for UPSR and was offerred to boarding skol. i rejected the offer as nenek pesan suruh jaga mak & jgn g skola jauh2... dia kata sri aman tu cukup..dekat dgn rumah. so, sri aman i went.

kat sekola i am a very very reserved student. tak banyak kawan pun time ni.harapkan kawan2 yg sama kat KT jer. my life is basically about goin to skol, balik pegi mengaji and trus lepak rumah. buat keje2 rumah, keje2 skola & tunggu mom balik from office. this routine prolong sampai i form3. sis getting married. right before my PMR exam.

time flies and and sis moved out. she wants to be independent. so, back to square. however, at this time, i was already in form4. i've met all my Reality babes. life was different. they thought me a hell lot about life. we have our own identity and different personalities & back ground. one thing we hold still.. FRIENDSHIP. alhamdulillah... we all kekal sampai sekarang... to date, it's been 13 years of friendship.

i enrolled to iiu after form5. things was a hell lot of onak duri. i couldn't eloborate more here. ada a few benda yg make me smile lah.. like jumpa angah Yan, Myn, Kajol, Adik Lela, all MISan yg meletops!, budak2 AIDHANs (14 org, tak terlayan nak tulih nama sekor2), budak IRC (u all the best!) and also BB.

tapi, dugaan study kat sini tak payah cerita lah. mana kelam kabut berulang alik every wekk balik rumah. mana layan kerenah and all stories yg tak masuk akal oleh dad and also other dramas. sampai lah skrng nih...

basically, my life is, home, family, babes and now *yezzer*.

alhamdulillah, *yezzer* jenis yg paham. kalau kena time BB dulu, mati lah! harus merajuk hari2...

baru2 ni mom merajuk.dia kata we all sume x dgr cakap dia. i was sad.so truly sad. i cried sampai bengkak2 mata. tak tahan kena tuduh mcm tu. tak sanggup nak terima. walaupun dh biasa kena caci by sis, but dis is different. rasa mcm habis sume pengorbanan selama nih.

sepanjang 28thn hidup, boleh kira berapa jam out of 8,064jam i am out of mom & family side. call rumah sehari sampai 3 kali. to make sure rumah at peace.

kenapa tiba2 bawak kuar sume nih? sbb PENAT.

TERAMAT PENAT.